Caput II – Ambrosius Aurelium Baptizet
by Michael Lambert
November 2025
Caput II – Ambrosius Aurelium Baptizet
by Michael Lambert
November 2025
totam miseriam meam in conspectu cordis mei
All my misery before my heart
Aurelius completes his studies in Carthage. During his student days, he writes a short book that outlines own merits and a career path. (The book is known anecdotally.) He is restless and ambitious; he leaves North Africa at age 28
He travels to Rome. The career opportunity is not Rome but Milan. The emperor resides in Milan. It is the de facto capital of the Western Roman Empire. The appointment is prestigious and involves teaching rhetoric. Aurelius, at the end of his second-year lecturing, for reasons not known, resigns his appointment. His dissolute years commence
Monica, his mother; visits sometime during his Milanese years. She travels from the family home of Tagaste, North Africa
Monica, driven by her Christian faith; insists Aurelius be baptized. The issue is not the rite of baptism, but when the rite is administered. Christian doctrine accents: on baptism, the human soul is purified, it is in a state of blamelessness allowing entry into heaven. Baptism for an adult, looking to continued long earthly life, the issue is to live remaining days unblemished
Patricius, husband to Monica and father to Aurelius; is baptised on his deathbed, therefore, with a blameless soul, he is granted immediate entry into heaven. Aurelius, not knowing the span-of-life, wrestles with himself
Aurelius, now Augustine; lives in accordance with Christian virtue. He returns to Tagaste. His parents are deceased and Adeodatus, his son by a servant, dies in his adolescence
Augustine sells the family estate and accepts a position as a junior clergyman in the coastal town of Hippo, north of Tagaste. He remains in Hippo till life-end
…ferens ingentem imbrem lacrimarum…et ecce audio vocem…“tolle lege, tolle lege”
…a mighty torrent of tears…I hear a voice…“Take up and read, take up and read”
Augustine baptized; is a changed man. When his Milanese career collapses, his life intersects with intense religiosity. His writings are orthodox. He observes the approved dogma of the emperors. The cited passage is Augustine’s personal crisis of conversion and confession. Out of trial comes: tolle lege…
vbi vero a fundo alta consideratio traxit et congessit totam miseriam meam in conspectu cordis mei, oborta est procella ingens, ferens ingentem imbrem lacrimarum. et ut totum effunderem cum vocibus suis, surrexi ab Alypio – solitudo mihi ad negotium flendi aptior suggerebatur – et secessi remotius, quam ut posset mihi onerosa esse etiam eius praesentia. sic tunc eram, et ille sensit: nescio quid enim, puto, dixeram, in quo apparebat sonus vocis meae iam fletu gravidus, et sic surrexeram. mansit ergo ille ubi sedebamus nimie stupens. ego sub quadam fici arbore stravi me nescio quomodo, et dimisi habenas lacrimis, et proruperunt flumina oculorum meorum, acceptabile sacrificium tuum, et non quidem his verbis, sed in hac sententia multa dixi tibi: “et tu, domine, usquequo? usquequo, domine, irasceris in finem? ne memor fueris iniquitatum nostrarum antiquarum.” sen-tiebam enim eis me teneri. iactabam voces miserabiles: “quamdiu, quamdiu ‘cras et cras’? quare non modo? quare non hac hora finis turpitudinis meae?”
dicebam haec, et flebam, amarissima con tritione cordis mei. et ecce audio vocem de vicina domo cum cantu dicentis, et crebro repetentis, quasi pueri an
puellae, nescio: “tolle lege, tolle lege.” statimque mutato vultu intentissimus cogitare coepi, utrumnam solerent pueri in aliquo genere ludendi cantitare tale aliquid, nec occurrebat omnino audisse me uspiam: repressoque impetus lacrimarum surrexi, nihil aliud interpretans divinitus mihi iuberi, nisi ut aperirem codicem et legerem quod primum caput invenissem. audieram enim de Antonio, quod ex evangelica lectione, cui forte supervenerat, admonitus fuerit, tamquam sibi diceretur quod legebatur: vade, vende omnia, quae habes, da pauperibus et habebis thesaurum in caelis; et veni, sequere me: et tali oraculo confestim ad te esse conversum. itaque concitus redii in eum locum, ubi sedebat Alypius: ibi enim posueram codicem apostoli, cum inde surrexeram. arripui, aperui et legi in silentio capitulum, quo primum coniecti sunt oculi mei: non in comissationibus et ebrietatibus, non in cubilibus et inpudicitiis, non in contentione et aemulatione, sed induite dominum Iesum Christum, et carnis providentiam ne feceritis in concupiscentiis. nec ultra volui legere, nec opus erat. statim quippe cum fine huiuse sententiae, quasi luce securitatis infusa cordi meo, omnes dubitationis tenebrae diffugerunt